Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
