I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
