My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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