My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize