shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
