The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
