State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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