I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
you never un-have a 4some
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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