every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
