now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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