Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
