Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
