I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
