haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
