its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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