i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
