best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
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