Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Randomize