I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
