They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
