jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize