the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
