I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
