Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(330): View more from Ohio

Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood

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(818): View more from California

she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick

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(425): View more from Washington

he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"

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(515): View more from Iowa

at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.

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(989): View more from Michigan

Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.

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(402): View more from Nebraska

The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"

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(801): View more from Utah

I feel like I have a very capable uterus.

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