Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
