Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
