last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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