I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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