Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
