i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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