My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Enjoy the penises
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Randomize