I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
