Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
