I'm really into asian looking animals
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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