I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
