just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Randomize
