these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize