No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I am one with the molecules
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Randomize
