We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
