How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Randomize