i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
