You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
