Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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