Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
