You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Screwed.edu
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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