Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Randomize