Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
