ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
