Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
