a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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