she smelled like a LAN party
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
You left your underwear on the fireplace
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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