I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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