she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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