her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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