Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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