hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
