Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
