hell yes lets make some ravioli
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
