just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
