Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
