people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
