she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
