I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize