moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
