When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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