be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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