Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
