pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
