I didn't shave. On purpose
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Do you have feelings for this penis?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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