dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
