your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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