Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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