peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
