We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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