he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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