FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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