"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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