accomplished twins. life is a go
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
