imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
