so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize