Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
