soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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