Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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