So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
