If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
