woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
