Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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