i think my tv is drunk
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize