Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
whose parrot is this?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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