She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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